11.19.2015

The Adoption Letters: Love Always, Krystal

This is the second in a series of letters I'd like to call The Adoption 
Letters. The Adoption Letters will be written free form by moms/dads 
who've adopted, adoptees, and birth moms. If you would like to submit 
a letter to possibly be posted follow this link




Krystal was taken from her biological mom at the age of five. In April 2013, Krystal planned to visit her mom for the first time in almost 20 years but ended up not going. Five months later she and her brothers received some difficult news. Here is a letter Krystal wrote to her mom while grieving their difficult loss. 




Mom,

What a crazy, surreal week it's been.  It's been a week and one day since Big Brother called me 6 times at 6:53am while I was working the window at Chick-fil-A to tell me the horrible, unexpected news.  When he said, 'You know why I'm calling you...' I had NO idea.  It didn't even cross my mind.  I have never been left with such a strong sense of regret in my life.  

It was SO heavy on my heart earlier this year, just in April, to come visit you for the first time since I was 5.  So heavy.  But I was scared.  And selfish.  So I didn't come.  I wish I had.  It's been on my heart for almost 20 years now.  I wanted to come visit you and let you know that I'm alive and very well.  I wanted to tell you I've forgiven you, and I've been praying for you my whole life.  

I wanted you to know that Big Brother found Brother & me 5 years ago, and the three of us have reconnected after being separated for 17 years.  He's one of my very best friends.  I'm a doctor of Physical Therapy now.  I've done very well and worked extremely hard.  I met The Love of My Life last November, and I'm going to marry him one day.  I started my first real job this week on Monday, and it is my absolute dream job.  The Lord has taken such good care of me.  

I think of you often.  I should've come to see you.  I needed to see you.  I needed to see what you were like after all these years.  I needed you to answer my questions; I have so many questions.  I think Big Brother needed to see you, too.  He's having a hard time with the news, also.  I don't know about Brother because we hardly have a relationship anymore.  But he's here in Houston now; he flew in today.  Big Brother and Kris got a divorce a few years ago, so he's been giving me your letters since then.  

I got your letter in April.  I wanted to believe you that you were so sick, but Big Brother and I both called individually, and a really nice lady at the prison told us you were not terminally ill.  So I got angry.  The prison was supposed to call Big Brother when you went to the critical care unit and send a police officer to his house when you went to hospice on the 30th, neither of which happened.  But we still should've come.  I know that your last wish was to see us.  

I went and picked up all your stuff from the prison; I have it now.  I read your journals & letters.  I know how alone and scared you felt.  And I wish you would have gotten your wish.  Just a few moments, at least; some peace before you left us again.  I am truly sorry, but I know I can't change it now.  Oh, how I wish I could!  Now I just pray for peace for Big Brother & me.  We will cling to each other and to the promises of our dear Lord.  Tomorrow we will say goodbye to you forever.  It is going to be such a tough day.  I pray for the Lord's presence and grace and that I will love my brothers well.  I hope we'll see you again someday.  I love you. 

Love always,

Krystal


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