This is the third in a series of letters I'd like to call The Adoption
Letters. The Adoption Letters will be written free form by moms/dads
who've adopted, adoptees, and birth moms. If you would like to submit
a letter to possibly be posted follow this link.
Erin is wife, mom, middle sister, optometrist, and generally loves all things silly and corny. She has an equal love of big city lights and tall green trees and always has a purse full of snacks she's willing to share. She loves stories, both hearing and telling. The thing that makes her come alive is seeing the kingdom of God advance throughout the nations. She feels life is best lived just off the beaten path.
A letter to the first mom of my girls…
We’ve never met but I see your features reflected back at me every day in the face of my sweet girls. If you wonder if they are well, they are and so much more. They are beautiful and strong and hilarious and so much fun. They have a bond with one another that goes beyond just being sisters. They love so big…not just each other, but all people. One of my biggest prayers was that their past would not be a hindrance in their ability to give and receive love. I want to assure you that it hasn’t.
I’ve tried to put myself in your shoes. What would she want to know? I would want to know that I didn’t totally screw up my kids. Isn’t that the thing that all mothers worry about? Well, you didn’t. I’m not saying they are totally untouched by the things that happened but they are redeemable. So are you.
I want you to know when they start asking questions about you, I won’t lie to them. They deserve to know the truth of their story but I won’t point out your faults or harp on bad choices. I have no idea the circumstances surrounding the decisions you made that led to the girls being in foster care. I know they weren’t easy or black and white. Those things rarely are.
The one thing I will always remind my girls about those choices is that when it was most important, you did choose them. When you could have ended their life before it really had a chance to begin, you chose life.
I never really grasped how huge that was or how hard that must’ve been.
Until I was faced with that choice
When doctors encouraged me to end the life growing inside of me, I couldn’t help but think of you. Would my choice have been different if I were single? Unmarried? Surrounded by chaos? Without a support system? Would I recognize the voice of the one who lies as he whispered…
This will be too hard. You can’t do this. There will be less heartache if you end this now.
Only because I know the Voice of Truth, I knew when His enemy was lying to me… just like he did to Eve in the garden. I still heard it though. I wonder if you did too.
I will remind our girls of your bravery in that moment. In that moment, you gave them a chance. A chance to be who their creator intended them to be. That’s all anyone really needs.
Wishing you the best,
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