|Lauren B - Ben - JoJo|
I recently watched The Bachelor. A friend said something about it being Straight Up Esther that intrigued me. One episode watched and I was hooked. Maybe a little too hooked. Like, we were on vacation and I huddled back into a room to watch the final episode. And I might’ve lost some sleep over it that night. I know. I know. Hang with me.
It’s just that the last two girls were JoJo and Lauren. I think I related with JoJo’s fear of being blindsided and embarrassed and the very real fear of not being picked. She requested over and over to not be blindsided– I mean, yes, she signed up for this crazy television show, but who knew she would have real live feelings– I wish I related to her long skinny legs and waist, amazing complexion, and witty laugh. But alas, I related to her fear of getting dumped, picked over, of being worthy of an I Love You, but in the end being told that she could-be-lived-without, but her counterpart couldn’t. Ouch.
In spite of her vocalized fear, she put her whole heart on the table. Ben, the Bachelor, with each date, each kiss, each glance, tried her heart on for size. And for all televised purposes it seemed she thought it was a fit.
So, why, a week and a half later, am I still thinking about JoJo, Ben and Lauren. It’s not like there is not enough going on in my own life to keep me busy. It’s because, like looking into a familiar mirror, it made me look at my own fear of rejection. And honestly, I am tired of fighting this fight with puny punches.
For me– Rejection is a loud voice when I am– so to speak– putting my own heart on the table. “You-want-to-do-what?” “Who-do-you-think-you-are?” “You-know-how-embarrassing-it-will-be-if-you-fail-at-this?” And the biggest one– “You-may-be-good-BUT-You-may-not-be-enough.”
And, about enough–
We all go around telling one another that we are enough. Enough. It is a hot word. And I totally get why we say it to each other. But I also want to say to us that according to the gospel and on our own we are not enough. And, hold up, it’s okay to know it. One of my favorites wrote a beautiful and must read Holy Week post on What the Cross Meant to her personally and as I read it I was reminded that the cross came and rescued my, and yours, very real not enough.
What the cross means to me is that I am safe to put my heart, All of It, in the bearer of the cross. I do not have to fear rejection there. This love doesn’t have to be tried on for size. It fits. And because I am safe there, it changes every other thing. Because of the cross, I fight fear to pursue dreams. Because of the cross, I believe I am loved. Because of the cross, with faith, I live my day after day. Because of the cross, I am enough.
So, thank you JoJo, Lauren, and Ben for putting your hearts on the table and letting all the world, and me, learn something from the three of you. X0
Follow my blog with Bloglovin